And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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