There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
