her vagine was all disorganized.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
