I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
