the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
