Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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