I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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