you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
