I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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