Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
