You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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