New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
