Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's great music for shaving your balls
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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