If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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