everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
