everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
