I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
