they need to just BURY HIM!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
