Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
