We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
