mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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