gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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