i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
