SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My feet surprised me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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