It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
