You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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