Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
