Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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