I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
