i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
