dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
