Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
