God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
