i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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