I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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