I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
