I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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