i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
