I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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