It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
