This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Welp...herpes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
