Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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