the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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