I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
