His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
