As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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