I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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