I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
