We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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