i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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