believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
